Becoming a Mother

Coo-eee my blogging break is over and I’m back! Lincolnshire was lovely and I’m sure you’ll be delighted to know that my husband isn’t having too shabby a time in Barbados.

I thought today would be an opportune moment to share with you a piece that (with slight variations) first appeared as a guest post as part of Motherhood: The Real Deal’s #beingamother project. It’s a wonderful project with so many different perspectives included, do take a look at all the contributions here.

But why today? Well this morning I got the first sight of my next child…the image was black and white and a bit grainy but good solid visual confirmation that the last two and a bit months of sickness and struggle have been associated with a baby and not some sort of plague.

I don’t know how different becoming a mother to another will feel but here are my reflections (via a meandering metaphor) of what becoming a mother and being a mother means to me now.

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Becoming a Mother has changed the way society thinks of me, and based on my caring choices and ‘economic activity’ sometimes these thoughts feel unfavourable at best, dismissive at worst. It has changed my social labels; I am a ‘parent’, I am a ‘stay at home mother’…am I no longer entitled to be just ‘me’?

But who is ‘me’ now?

And what does becoming a mother/being a mother mean and what has it always meant to me? So I’m stepping away from the external – the societal roles, proclamations of identity, and social context – and I’m taking you within…

Imagine, if you will, ME. Don’t think of me as a person, oh no…think of me as a fantastical, sprawling, house. Built of stone, lots of chimney pots and, hmm yes, possibly some turrets. I think I’m getting carried away…but the outside isn’t actually important. Come in.

Inside you’ll find a maze of corridors, both expansive hallways and narrow landings. And doors. More doors than you can ever imagine. Lots are open. An infinite number are closed. And some just an outline, not there yet but waiting to be built.

32 years ago I opened the first door. Since then I have built, found and opened many, many more. Some doors open to rooms that are huge – they take over me when I’m in them. Some are small, just a little bit of me. Some are beautiful, some are ugly. Most rooms are happy, lots are comfortable but some are haphazard and one or two are so scary I do everything I can to avoid them.

Each one is an identity, a personality trait, an emotion, a part of me.

In the middle of the house is a door I’ve often wandered past. This door has always been there and I’ve always been happy to know it’s there.

Two and a half years ago I tried to open this door, I expected it to open easily, but it didn’t. Only after a few weeks of effort and anxiety it finally budged. And behind it was the most expansive and beautiful place I’ve ever been. The outside in…full of secret alcoves and hidden glades; old brick walls and majestic trees, tangled brambles and patches of wildflowers; puddles and sunshine.

Of course it didn’t always stay like this. In the beginning the beauty was hard to define, the skies would darken regularly and the brambles appeared menacing. I frequently searched but could not find the door to the rest of me.

And then, gradually, I didn’t want to find it. I made myself at home in this room.

And now? Well it’s still the biggest room in the house, the one I most want to be in…my favourite room…and the one that right now does define me the most.

I am, however, starting to remember and enjoy the view from the rest of the house again too. Old favourites are revisited, the furniture dusted down, and I’ve opened a few new doors along the way. Yet in all the other rooms the light and noise from Motherhood pervade. The door, now opened, will always be open. The essence of being a Mother spills out and the whole house sparkles with it.

I’ve decided to go with the flow and enter into the BiBs and MAD blog awards. It’s a lovely opportunity for people to show pride in their own blogs and adimiration for others they like. You can read my arguments for and against nominating my blog here.

Best of Worst

Diary of an imperfect mum
Keep Calm and Carry On Linking Sunday
Pink Pear Bear
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64 thoughts on “Becoming a Mother

  1. Massive congratulations! Love the house analogy.

    Hope your blogging break was good. Looking forward to more as your pregnancy progresses. 🙂

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  2. What a beautiful analogy. You are so right motherhood to me is like light and it has a habit of creeping into and lighting up even the darkest rooms. I loved this post and I love the feeling of your writing. It is like visiting and chatting with an old friend. TY for linking up with #FamilyFun 🌸

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  3. Pingback: MAD for a BiB |
  4. Congratulations on your pregnancy! I would so love to be preggers again. Sadly, it isn’t going to happen anytime soon. I don’t miss that horrible sicky stage though. Best of luck with everything. At least second time, I guess you know what to expect! #KCACOLS

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  5. Congratulations! What wonderful news! I loved reading your post – brilliant use of a metaphor. I enjoyed the tour very much. #KCACOLS

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    1. Ahh that’s lovely to hear. It is nice to revisit the other rooms…probably took me a while but they are better places for the motherhood room being open so maybe worth the wait. Thank you so much for your lovely comment x

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  6. Congratulations, and I hope that you start to feel better soon. I loved this post, you are in the best room of the house now, and that room will become even better once the new baby is here. Claire x #KCACOLS

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  7. What a clever analogy – I felt exactly the same way, that I’d gotten stuck in a place I didn’t know or expect to be in, and only gradually found my way back. It’s one of the reasons I haven’t had another, it was a frightening place for a while xx #KCACOLS

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  8. Oh what a beautiful meandering metaphor – I read it twice I enjoyed it so much – I love your way with words – completely drew me in. Also, congratulations – wonderful news #bigpinklink

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  9. Oh that is such wonderful news!! Massive congratulations. I definitely think that you revisit old rooms, I’m really starting to rediscover parts of me I never thought I’d see again. Some doors I don’t even want to open, like the party room! 😉 Huge good luck with the awards. Hopefully one day we can have a #bigpinklink party at an awards do! Thanks so much for linking up with us.

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  10. I have already said it but I will say it again: Congratulations with this new pregnancy!! It is a wonderful!! I know the first trimester is hard but I hope things get better for your second trimester. Beautiful post. Thanks for sharing this at #KCACOLS.

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  11. Just here after #tribalchat, I really loved this. What a fab metaphor, you are so creative and write so well. I think, for me, motherhood was always the biggest room I had and I couldn’t wait to get in! Now I’m here and it’s all I hoped it would be, I don’t want to leave. Does that make sense or have I totally destroyed your metaphor?! Ellen xx

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    1. No you’ve totally got it! That’s lovely to hear, I felt that completely too (once I’d settled in!)… it’s only been in the last eighteen months I’ve wanted to go in and out of others but that room is the one that will always be the biggest, with the most impact. Thank you so much for reading and commenting ellen x

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    1. Ahh thank you very much, that means a lot. I think it is a confusing question with not one answer…this was the only way of looking at it all that I’ve felt works for me! Thank you for reading and for hosting #tribalchat so beautifully!

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  12. Love this – wow you are so creative 🙂 I think for me motherhood is like a room I have been plonked in with no warning but now I’m here I rather like it! #triballove #bigpinklink

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  13. Pingback: Waiting |

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