Lessons in Lazy Parenting

I’ve been feeling unwell over the last couple of weeks and I’ve been looking for some shortcuts in how to entertain my two and a half year old. I’ve found a few, so I thought I’d share some little scenarios which demonstrate the art of ‘can’t be arsed’ parenting.

 

Can’t face cooking yet you need to eat a good meal, without distraction

Embark on lunch out with toddler the lazy parenting way. Step 1. Feed your toddler a sandwich at home before going out (bear with me) Step 2. Go to somewhere that does good food. Step 3. Order and make some small talk with child. Step 4. Enjoy your nutritious and satisfying meal in peace while your child enjoys their ice cream.

 

Can’t face the regular, increasingly frequent, middle of the night chats, visits and squashy bed cuddles

At the first sign of disturbance (‘Mammmmeeee, I’ve finished sleeping’…ummm it’s 1am NO YOU HAVEN’T) deposit your toddler from their cot onto the single mattress on the floor at the end of your bed. Stretch out in your toddler-free bed, administer the odd shush, and sleep until morning.

 

You need to lie down

Let toddler build you a ‘bed’ on the sofa. Reposition the mountain of soft toys ‘Mr’s’ and collapse. Hope that your hands-on parenting to date hasn’t undermined your child’s ability to play alone. Doze. Awaken sporadically to cries of ‘cockadoodledoo! Wake up Mummy!’.

 

You need to lie down

Gather a pile of books and have a reading marathon. After a few days bask in the words ‘no, Mummy. I read this one, you read that one’. Doze. Awaken when toddler moves on from reading the books to bashing you over the head with them.

 

You need to lie down

Admit defeat and say hello to CBeebies. Doze. Awaken when warped dreams of the Numtums going to Okido in a Chugginton become too much.

 

Now you’re lying down you don’t want to move

Realise your toddler is a proper little person when you say ‘please can you get it?’ and they caper off to competently get their milk from the fridge and the snack tin from the cupboard.

 

Your toddler asks to see friends

Introduce your toddler to Sock Man (yes this is a sock on a hand). Realise, as your child happily befriends them, that you have reached a new low.

 

If all else fails…

Enlist substitute parents – in other words, get as much help as possible. Your role as a parent has been reduced to cuddler and telly-buddy, go with it and wallow.

BritMums

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Mummuddlingthrough

Domesticated Momster

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39 thoughts on “Lessons in Lazy Parenting

  1. Hah, “I’ve ‘finished’ sleeping” – that’s so cute and yet so dreadful to hear in the middle of the night! Love this list, I will have absolutely NO qualms in being a lazy parent when it’s called for. Hope you feel better soon!

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    1. Thank you, yep it’s absolutely called for some days! My mum heard him say that the other night and also said how cute it was…I hadn’t up until that point thought it was to be honest!! As you say, dreadful to hear in the night…anytime before 7am actually!!

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  2. Well, I’m not sure about lazy parenting… some of these appear on my ‘What I do when I am being a kick-arse excellent parent’ list. A lazy parenting list with no mention of an iPad? Hats off to you, lady. You rock. Oh, and I hope you are feeling better.

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    1. I like this plan, except I imagine your doctor’s set is probably more adult-friendly than mine! My son’s set has scissors in it which means this works for all of two minutes before he morphs into a doctor-hairdresser…getting your hair chopped with pretend scissors is not the most relaxing thing ever!! x

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  3. ‘Mummy, you’ve fallen asleep!’ As your eyelids are yanked open… Guaranteed response if I dare to ever doze in the presence of a non sleeping child.
    Luckily now they are getting old enough to self occupy on minecraft for a while whilst I catch up on the chores … Nah I’m on Twitter really! 😉

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  4. I hope you’re feeling 100% again, at least it sounds like you did get SOME snippets of rest between being hit over the head with books and being woken by your toddler/rooster alarm clock – haha!

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    1. Yes, the ice cream meal is a great one. I’m blessed with a son who eats his ice cream slowly as well so as long as I time its arrival right I can have a lovely meal. Not that I do this all the time though, ahem…just occasionally! Hope you are all better now. Praise be to CBeebie snoozing x

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    1. Thank you! The ice cream one is incredibly useful…I don’t do it loads as I would want him to expect it…BUT it’s a handy one to have up the sleeve, perhaps if we’re going out for lunch with people who don’t care for two year old shenanigans!

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  5. Those bring back memories of when mine were toddlers. Now I can lay down on the couch while my boys get their own food that usually consists of cereal and microwavable mac-n-cheese, lol! At least until I get off the couch to fix something more nutritious like pre-cooked breaded chicken strips:-) #momsterlink

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  6. Love this post, been there before & it isn’t fun! Oh and I am glad I am not alone with being woken up at 1am 🙂 #momsterslink xx

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  7. I am finally at the lucky stage of my 6 year old being able to help with his younger sisters when mommy isn’t feeling well and daddy is working. I hope whatever you have passes quickly. Mine seemed to linger around for well over a week and I still have a good day and then feel exhausted the next. I am ready for the warm weather to kick winters butt out of here! Thanks for linking up with #momsterslink.

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  8. Haha! I’m a big fan of doing the first one. Of course, when I subsequently end up caving & letting them eat half of my lunch despite the fact that I gave them theirs before we left, I feel really bad that I’m probably overfeeding them!

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  10. These tips make me laugh! I think we all have days when we need to do some lazy parenting. Last week my husband was away, and we did end up in a restuarant where my daughter had ice cream while i had a proper meal! Bliss 🙂

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