Letter to my (unconceived) unborn second child

Hello! It’s your Mother here.

People have been asking for months (and months and months) now: ‘do you want another?’ like you and LJ are cups of tea and they’re wondering if they should put the kettle on.

Apart from balking at the assumption that ‘another’ will be easy to come by I haven’t really known how to answer this question and I think you need to know why.

Firstly I think it’s only fair you know that I feel completely not ready for you. The thought of the sleepless nights, the crippling tiredness, the worry about your newborn fragility and logistically managing to care for you and your big brother at the same time sends me into paroxysms of anxiety.

I don’t want my baby LJ to be a big anything yet…will he feel ready to be a ‘big’ brother…? maybe he could just be your brother until he wants to be big about it.

I also don’t really relish the thought of my body not being mine again for another couple of years through pregnancy and breastfeeding. The sickness, the pain, the feeding-induced exhaustion…

I’m worried about splitting my time and my love…not giving you as much as I was able to give LJ and not giving LJ as much in the future as I do know.

And so instead of saying ‘mind your own business, unless it is tea you’re offering, in which case I’m accepting’ I say ‘oh no, definitely not yet, no!’.

 

But secondly you really need to know that I feel completely ready for you. Getting to know your personality; watching you need me; grow and need me less then more in different ways; being there for you and loving you makes me feel so excited.

I’ve got a suitcase full of hand me downs for you. Your cot is ready and waiting in the loft, the Tummy Tub will need a clean but it’s basically ok. I can remember how to tie the sling. There’s a box in the spare room full of baby toys.

And despite being so protective of my body now that I don’t even want to get a bra fitted, the thought of sharing it with you makes me feel happy. The pregnancy sickness will at least mean you’re there; I’ve done birth once, I can do it again! Right? And the breastfeeding? Well I hope, almost primitively so, that it works out for us.

I don’t know how it will be possible to love anyone as much as I love LJ, but I am sure that you know how it’s possible and I’m looking forward to you showing me.

I really, really hope we are lucky enough to have you in our lives one day, I can’t wait to meet you.

With love from a fellow second child, your slightly bonkers (please don’t let that put you off) future Mother

xxx

P.S. If you could arrange it so that you breeze through teething that would be great
P.P.S. I’m really grumpy before 7am
P.P.P.S. Please come

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30 thoughts on “Letter to my (unconceived) unborn second child

  1. Such a lovely honest post – I completely understand these feelings. Our son is 5 and although we planned a 2-3 year age gap, we’re only now expecting baby no.2 – we just didn’t feel ready to being another person into the mix. Being on the other side, I now know how intrusive those ‘when will you have another’ questions are and am always careful to avoid them! X

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  2. There really is no rush! I had a small gap and I cried and cried (number 2 was unexpected to say the least!) and felt like you do but when the time is right (or wrong) and it happens you will be thrilled by the time the baby comes along. And I feel ya on the morning sickness. Bleugh.

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    1. The morning (why is it called that btw…!? All day more like) is the part about pregnancy I’m dreading most, the thought of managing with that and a toddler seems impossible! Your comment is lovely, I like the idea of the time being either right or wrong and that’s ok. I think we get a bit het up with wanting the perfect age gap for us and our children but what’s perfect? Probably just whenever it happens actually. X

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      1. Oh I know, the all day sickness is horrid. My first son was 10 months old when it kicked in and it lasted until 17 weeks! I’d be vomiting and he’d be trying to crawl onto my back for horsey rides. It’s a whole new experience! I took the drugs on offer for the nausea second time around which took the edge off a little bit. Kinda. Not really helping am I?!

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  3. I think o got asked this question the second my daughter was born! Now I am pregnant with my second I get mixed reactions – a lot of those people who first asked now think I’m crazy for having another so soon. You really can win haha 🙂 xx

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  4. Aww I love all the woollies hanging there ready. There’s 4 years between my 2 and I actually wish there had been less but I am so grateful and it’s not always so easy to plan.
    Do what you think is right for you. It’s no one else’s business. Now I’m getting ‘oh so you’re done now’ so you can never win my lovely x

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  5. That is very honest and I am sure that is how many of us feel/felt! A lovely post. Thank you so much for sharing #TwinklyTuesday

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    1. Ah it’s hard isn’t it. And exciting. Oh and hard. Thank you so much for your comment, I’d written this to my second child as an unborn concept but really nice to think they might read it one day as a real life grown up. Thank you xx

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  6. Oh I love this! I had the exact same fears before baby no2 and baby no3! But you do love them just as much, its amazing but you do. They love having siblings and being big brothers. The whole body bit I get too and with bf I still don’t feel like I have claimed mine back yet x

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    1. Ah that’s good to know. I assumed that was the case as I never felt any less loved than my big sister but it’s hard to imagine! BF…lovely and confusing all at the same time. Thanks v much for commenting x

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  7. So very sweet. When my (now ex) husband came home from 15 months in Iraq, our twins were 20 months old. He said, “Let’s get started on those identical boys!” I said, “Change a few diapers first.” I really thought we’d have more, but our marriage devolved. Now my girls are 9 and I have yet to have more kids. Of course, now that I’m single, it’ll involve adoption rather than conception, but I’ve felt ready for a couple of years now.

    Thanks for linking with #TwinklyTuesday.

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  8. Thank you Sadia. Good response to your husband at twenty months!

    But you can’t anticipate when you’re going to feel ready can you…or what life might be like when you are. Thanks for hosting #twinklytuesday

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