Just shut the door and walk away…

There are three people in my life who consistently ‘offer’ me annoying and unwelcome advice and opinions. I don’t know these people brilliantly, they don’t know me that well. They certainly don’t know LJ so basically I wish they would just LEAVE ME ALONE!

Here are a few of the gems they have passed on to me and what, on a ranty day, I wish I could say in return (rather than what I do say which is generally mmm, oh right. Anyway funny about that freak rainstorm/hailstorm/snowstorm/sandstorm the other week…oh look at the time, must go byeeee’).

Positive parenting is lazy parenting
Well no. Lazy parenting is not positive parenting (or what I think of as positive parenting). Positive or gentle parenting is not permissive parenting either. Lazy parenting is letting CBeebies babysit your child. Which I do regularly. So have a go at me about that.

You need to leave him on his own a couple of times a week somewhere. It’ll be good for him.
The magic ‘it will be good for him’. HOW DO YOU KNOW!? How do I know come to think of it? Maybe it will, maybe it won’t. You’ve been saying this since he was NINE months old.I know you feel guilty about your situation and I’m sorry about that but please stop saying this to me. It’s boring.

If you breastfeed, you’re a hippy
Where to start!!?? The only thing you can categorically say about someone who breastfeeds their child is that they are a woman. ANYTHING else is conjecture. Please don’t judge.

You’ve got to sleep train him…two hours of crying last night but I didn’t give in
I don’t want to. In my situation, with my life and the way LJ sleeps, that would be a horrible thing to do to him. And maybe you felt you had to – I can understand that – but it’s weird that you feel proud enough about it to post it on facebook. Please don’t normalise ‘cry it out’ and please don’t tell me what to do.

He bullies you
Um, yes. He’s a sodding toddler. Don’t they bully everyone!? No seriously, some bedtimes I think you’re right but then I try to remember that it is just a moment in time and that maybe actually he needs me. I’m happy doing it the way I’m doing it. Please don’t bully me about that.

Just shut the door and walk away
No, no, no, no, no! Do you know, I’m not actually sure I like you very much. LEAVE ME ALONE!

 

The reason I can’t or won’t say any of these things in ‘real life’ is because I actually think we’re all just trying to do our best as parents and I would not presume that another parent needs my opinions. If they ask for them, then fine…I’ll tell them, but I really hope I tell them in a way that doesn’t sound like I think they are stupid or mean for doing something or believing in something different to me. We are all parenting experts in our OWN children, not anyone elses.

Oh I feel so much better! Even more so after reading ‘a two fingers up at unwanted advice‘ over at Motherhood: The Real Deal. And if this topic resonates with you, it will make you feel better too! So how do you cope with unwanted advice? Any good conversation stoppers you can pass on?

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12 thoughts on “Just shut the door and walk away…

  1. I can massively relate to this, which is why my evenings are currently being filled with anxiety!!! I’m moving my little girl into her on room at the moment, she’s 10 months and it’s becoming a long process but I’m just not ready!! But my gut tells me she is so I’m trying to be brave!
    Iv had no end of people tell me their babies were in there own room at 8 weeks old and less…. that’s way too young in my eyes!!!!! But that’s they’re choice, not mine!!!! …. lol sorry to rant on your rant!!
    My conversation stopper I’d simple….. get the boob and and breastfeed hahahaha!!!!
    Xxx

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    1. Ah yes, I found the hardest thing about everything baby was trying to follow my instincts amidst the bombardment of advice (some of which I sought but I rant about parenting experts in another blog post!). Anxiety is a very hard thing to cope with, I know. Hope you are ok and this week is going ok…you’re the expert in your little girl, remember that! But look after yourself as well. By the way I CRIED a lot when we moved LJ to his own room! Thanks for reading and commenting xx

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  2. Definitely relating to this! “You have to just stop pandering to him, let him cry it will do him no harm and he will learn he has to go to sleep” – my child roaring for me is not something I can let happen without me trying my best to make him calm and happy. Yes bedtime can be a nightmare, it is getting better with gradual sleep training (i.e. not going in straight away if he’s just giving out, but if he sounds upset I’m straight in there), but I’d rather my child was emotionally okay and felt cared for, safe and loved than any full nights sleep. Shout it at the “helpful” ones!

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  3. Totally sharing your frustration. Sleep is a particularly sensitive subject at the moment, mostly because I’m not getting much! Find myself nodding and then ignoring a lot of advice. I just want to say believe me, I’ve tried absolutely everything that I’m happy with and doesn’t involve upsetting my baby even more! #effitfriday

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  4. Sounds like you follow a fairly similar parenting philosophy to me, and I have heard a lot of these too. & been annoyed by them too. I think one of the really irritating things is that if you are someone who is against cry it out, and doesn’t believe that babies can be spoilt with attention, etc, criticism will usually be coming from people with the opposing views. & that makes it awkward to counter. Because whatever you would be saying as to why you disagree would have an implication of ‘I think you’re being cruel’. & most of us don’t really want to go so far as to make other people believe that we think they are cruel. Which leaves you in the annoying position of just having to let them put you down instead. That’s how I often feel anyway! x

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    1. Exactly. The words ‘I would never do that to my child’ do have a ring of blame and attack about them don’t they!? I don’t want to attack other parents or their choices so keeping quiet is my tactic but yes the resulting feeling of being put down is irritating.

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